OVAL LED LIGHT: Infomercial Review

OVAL LED LIGHT: Infomercial Review

Let's get something straight. A REAL man has tools. I'm talking about tools with weight to them. Those little bitty tool kits that come in the leather cases, those are for wimps. Real mean have metal tool boxes that have heavy metal wrenches and hammers and nails and all kinds of stuff that we almost never use, but have them just in case.

And likewise, real men have real flashlights. The metal kind that police use to beat suspects when video cameras aren't around.

So when I saw the infomercial for this Oval LED Light, well let's just say I was skeptical. No, more than that: I was ticked off. How dare they think I, a MAN'S MAN, would use a circular flashlight that, by their own admission, is light? They said it's because sometimes flashlights slip from your grip. But let's be honest, that guy didn't drop the flashlight. He THREW it on the ground. Real men do that sometimes, when they're ticked off at a flat tire or something.

Then they showed this feature that real men don't go in for: It has one light that shines ahead of you, so you see where you're going, ad one light that shines right at your feet, so you can watch your step. But real men don't need sissy little help like that.

And so, a couple weeks later, the Oval LED Light has arrived in the mail. My wife forced me to buy it. Maybe real men don't need that kind of light, she told me, but real women do.

End of argument.

POST-SCRIPT: I arrived home the other day and saw my 8 year old son pretending to fix his toy car. He had his plastic tools out--and a flashlight. Not my big mag light, but the Oval LED Light. Well, maybe real men might find some use for it. Maybe.

MEDICAL HAIR RESTORATION: Infomercial Review

MEDICAL HAIR RESTORATION: Infomercial Review

You ever wonder what happened to former pro football star Mercury Morris or former American League batting champion Wade Boggs? Me neither, but now I know the answer thanks to a recent infomercial. Both are currently endorsing a product called Medical Hair Restoration or M.H.P.

According to the commercial, this product will “turn back the clock, 5, 10, 15, years”. I think they stop there because, depending on the age of the viewer, you go back much further and you are back to being a bald baby.

Morris and Boggs are not the only high-profile names endorsing the product. They are joined by Jimmy Hart of the W.W.F., W.C.W., and half a dozen other fake wrestling organizations. Hart goes by the catchy name, “Mouth of the South” and looks like Sonny of Sonny and Cher with a mullet. Now there’s a ringing endorsement!

But wait, there’s more...There are about 10 other men recommending M.H.R . All looking quite constipated in their ‘before’ shots and like they just won the lottery in the ‘after’ shots.

According to the commercial, hair loss is caused by D.H.T. Unfortunately, they didn’t explain what that stands for, so I guessed, “Dangerous Hair Ticks”. Upon further research, I found that it stands for Dihydrotestosterone, which is a biologically active metabolite of testosterone formed by the enzyme 5a-reductase….ok, so THAT’S why they just left it at D.H.T.

I then hear the spokesman say I can get a free DVD! There is no explanation what the DVD is, but hey, it’s FREE!! And if I act now, I can also get a FREE microscopic hair evaluation. Again, I don’t know what that consists of, but it is FREE!!

So even though it goes against my better judgment to follow advice from a guy who hits people over the head with a megaphone for a living, I’m going to get on the phone and place my order. I sure hope the M.H.R. D.V.D. takes care of any D.H.P. A.S.A.P. before I turn B.A.L.D.