SKINNY ARMS: Infomercial Review

As soon as I heard one line on the new commercial for Skinny Arms, I knew I wouldn’t like this spokesman. The words: “Get rid of the arm jiggle.” Hey, I take offense at that. First of all, are you claiming that I’m fat because my arms jiggle? Second, maybe I like jiggly arms. In fact, I like all kinds of jiggles.

And who doesn’t? What would Santa Clause be like if he didn’t have that belly that jiggles “like a bowl full of jelly”? I also have fond memories of me and my brothers, when we were kids, watching our grandfather gleefully, as the skin under his chin jiggled whenever he laughed. His belly did, too. So what’s so bad with jiggling arms?

Well, it turns out that my wife and my sister and my mother and just about every female I know disagrees with me. They insist that there is nothing attractive about jiggling arms. So I looked into Skinny Arms more closely. This product is, using their own words, a girdle for the arm. The upper arm, specifically. It wraps around the arm and holds the skin in. Once you put on a shirt or top, the sleeve covers it and there is no sign that you’re wearing anything. It truly does work as advertised and stops the jiggle effect. My wife insists that they make her and myself look better.

The Skinny Arms come in various colors, so that no matter what clothing you’re wearing, there’s one that will look just fine, and the color won’t bleed through your clothing. My wife won’t leave the house now without her Skinny Arms. I’d almost be tempted to join her were it not for another phrase in the commercial that bothered me: The lady said it’s “like wearing panty hose” on the arm. That’s a turn-off for any guy. But if I can get past that, I have to say that Skinny Arms will be a great product.

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COOKIE DOODLERS: Infomercial Review

I saw a commercial for this fun product called Cookie Doodlers. Think of Cookie Doodlers as magic markers with edible ink. Seriously.

The idea here is that when you’re baking cookies, your kids can be involved in the process. They use the Doodler / markers to create drawings and designs on the cookies. The markers come in all different colors, making it possible for your kids to be truly imaginative with their creations. The edible “ink,” by the way, is nothing but edible, safe food coloring.

Why target this commercial just at kids, though? Aren’t we all doodlers at heart? I have to confess, I doodled as a kid, and I never grew out of it. Mostly I doodled comic book superheroes on my notebook during math class. That explains my bad math grades.

My wife also is a doodler, and doodles much better than I do. But you already knew that, right? Remember when you were in school, the boys drew these vulgar pictures on their desks, or maybe a peace sign or marijuana leaf. Girls, though, drew hearts and teddy bears and puppy dogs, and they always looked so great.

The point is that we’re all doodlers at heart, and darn it, I want my Cookie Doodler too. While the kids doodle happy faces and stars on their cookies, and while my wife doodles a heart, I can doodle--well, I guess I can doodle cars and footballs and power tools and other guy things. Cookie Doodling--It’s a family hobby.

Seriously, I’m in love with the idea of the Cookie Doodler. It gets your kids involved in using their imagination, and that’s never a bad thing. It’s also not a bad thing that I get to eat many of their creations. Isn’t Cookie Doodling great?

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THE TORPEDO: Infomercial Review

Remember Swiss Army Knives? Those are those pocket knives that do so much more than cut things like a knife. I had one of these when I was in Boy Scouts, and it was a truly deluxe one. It had about four knife blades, two screwdrivers, a pair of scissors, tweezers, bottle opener, and although I might be misremembering, I think it had a hole-punch, a TV remote control, a chainsaw, power drill, and electric-powered automobile inside.

Not a fan of knives? That’s fine. Now you can have the kitchen equivalent of the Swiss Army Knife. It’s called the Torpedo, and judging from their recently released infomercial, it’s a little bit of everything. So just what does the commercial advertise as the functions of the Torpedo? It’s a blender, juicer, specialty coffee drink machine, cheese grater, coffee grinder, meat grinder, frozen margarita maker, frozen dessert maker, and more. I’m fairly sure if you look close enough, you’ll find ways to use the Torpedo as a microwave oven and deep-fryer, too--but don’t quote me on that (Okay, after further examination, it appears there is no microwave or deep-fryer inside the Torpedo).

Seriously, this thing is nifty. It looks just like a high-tech blender, but it’s not. A blender would bore me. This thing, since my wife bought one, has me wanting to help her with the kitchen chores. Sometimes I grind things just to be using the Torpedo. We’re the only family in block that has freshly-ground onions in the refrigerator.

Still, they should investigate the possibility of figuring a way of using it as a microwave. Or toaster. Or waffle iron. Until they do, though, you won’t find any better kitchen appliance than the Torpedo.

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CLIP-IN BANGS: Infomercial Review

Here's a news flash for you: Nobody is what they appear to be. Everyone when they are their "real self" looks differently from how they look in person. I thought about this recently, because I was told that:

· William Shatner, even when he was Captain Kirk, was wearing a toupee.

· Same goes for Ted Danson when he was Sam Malone on Cheers and Ron Howard when he was Richie Cunningham on Happy Days.

· Half the middle-aged guys you see on TV who seem to have an okay figure are actually wearing a girdle to pull the flab in.

This revelation shattered my view of the world, that many of my childhood heroes were bald, until I realized: None of us in public look like we do when by ourselves. One look in the mirror in the morning, with my hair pointing all directions, confirms this. So why shouldn't we do our best to look good in public?

Which leads to my main point: there's a new product, advertised on late-night TV, called Clip-In Bangs. They are similar to extensions, but they clip in the front of your hair. They instantly give a lady bangs that completely change her appearance. Is it really how she looks? No--but that's ok. I have a sister who bought Clip-In Bangs and she almost looked like a different person. She looked absolutely amazing.

Hey, we brush our teeth, ladies wear lipstick, guys wear higher shoes to appear to be taller. So I'm all in favor of a gal wearing Clip-In Bangs to give her a new look. I think that once you see how great they look, you'll be a fan, too.

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One Touch Steam Tornado

My wife is always telling me that men can't do nearly as good a job as women can in cleaning. She always tells me that after I've cleaned the kitchen or the living room, there's still trash lying around, still dust on the shelves, counters, etc. So it was with some amusement that I watched the commercial for One Touch Steam Tornado. Here are some women who make a liar out of my wife.

The first woman takes that old mop and splashes a gallon of water all over the floor; there's a pool of water on the floor so deep that there might be shipwrecks at the bottom. Lady there's a lady with a spray bottle full of some kind of cleaner, that she accidentally sprays in her own face. A third person goes to get her steam cleaner, only to find the cord tangled up with a bunch of other cords.

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These women are the female versions of me when I clean! How many times have I had so much mop water on the floor that I prayed the sun would evaporate it before the wife got home!

Well, anyway, I suppose the conclusion is that the One Touch Steam Tornado is good or males or females who need to clean around the house. This is a nifty device, because it's actually two cleaners in one. One you can use as an upright steam mop, and the second disconnects so that it's a hand-held cleaner, great for cleaning sinks, appliances, counters, and more. And no more getting the cord tangled with other cords (A real plus with me, since every cord in my home, when the lights go out, slithers and entangles itself with other cords in the house). Slobs everywhere can be a bit neater with this amazing product.

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Iron Anywhere: Infomercial Review

So lets get this straight. The makers of Iron Anywhere are trying to market a product based on the difficulty and time wasted on setting up a regular ironing board? Well, not exactly what I would call the best marketing scheme but maybe it will work for them. The Iron Anywhere is an interesting concept however. Instead of storing a ironing board in closet or something of that matter, all one has to do is get this little mat out and lay it down on any surface. Hence the name Iron Anywhere. I really cant think of anything to make fun of about this product. That makes me sad actually. It is so simple yet useful if you ask me. I am not the once who is concerned with lifting a fifteen pound ironing board out of the closet but if I don’t have to, then heck, I think I am sold on that premise alone. But wait, as with any good infomercial offer, there’s more.

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If you were to order within the next umpteen minutes or so, you will not only get the wonder that is Iron Anywhere, but you will also get two, count them with me now, two dryer balls. That’s right, two walnut sized dryer balls that make your linens come out fluffier. And now you don’t have to spend all that money on costly chemicals, with your own set of lint grabbing dryer balls, you will never have a stiff towel again. I love the fact that they made them blue too.

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SHAMPAW: Infomercial Review

Well normally I like to start off by kinda making fun of the infomercial about whatever product it may be. However, with this one, I really just don’t know where to start. I guess, firstly, this has got to be one of the cheapest made infomercials ever. I wonder how much someone got paid to come up with the idea of having an attractive girl sit there and just say the same thing over, and over again. There wasn’t even the narrator guy with the cool deep voice that every other infomercial seems to use. Definitely felt as though something were lacking a bit with this one. Ok, so maybe that was a few things and not just one but wow, this one is easy. Another thing I noticed is that if you pay close attention about half way through, the girl is talking about how she can keep both hands on the dog so he doesn’t shake and get her all wet while washing him, well right as she says that you can tell the dog is winding up for a really good shake and right before he does, the camera changes. Way to go editor at making sure the product does what you say it does.

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All joking aside, I think this product is pretty cool. If you know anyone who likes to bathe their dog all the time, like my parents, I swear it is like their new child, then this Shampaw would be the perfect gift. I think it is pretty cool how you just attach the hose to the glove and your ready to go. Not that the infomercial informed me of that, remember, very cheaply made but one can infer that.

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